Life full on

How deep do we dare to sink into life?
Can we allow all of It to touch us?

How many defense mechanisms have we build up
to keep out the nasty bits,  the uncomfortable parts?

Death,  sickness,  decay.
Its not pretty.
But it is Life.
Deterioration of a loved one.
Its painful,  heart rending,
and yet it is Life.
 
Can we meet it in its fullness, 
without protective measures?

Growing up as a human being in today's day and age, 
it has become a habit to close up and to contract 
in an attempt to avoid the events and
sights which are ugly and painful.

It is part and parcel of believing oneself 
to be a separate individual.
In fact the person is the contraction.

Or in other words,  the contraction makes 
that we feel ourselves as separate,  
even though in reality no such a thing exists, 
as there is ever only One.

If the understanding has come through that 
there is no separate person,
that it is Life happening, 
it will eventually erode resistances which
are remnants of the old belief.

Once the illusion of a separate person has been seen,
Life itself will wriggle out all the buried assumptions,
the expectations and resistances.

This is a process which happens by itself.
There is not a person doing something; 
processing its resistances,
Life itself is presenting those things 
which are necessary to be seen.

Surrendering to What Is,  
is the same as meeting Life full on.

There is no choice,
It is Life happening.


A woodpigeon.
The windmill turning with screeching sounds.
Sweat is running down the back.
Its 10.58 on a lazy humid Sunday morning.

In fact...

In fact, ultimate truth does not even need words or explanation.
That is because this whole world is already truth. Just see. Just
hear. Just smell. From moment to moment, the universe is always
giving us a very wonderful Dharma speech about the nature of
truth. The sky is blue. The trees are green. Salt tastes salty;
sugar is sweet. When you see, when you hear, when you smell,
when you taste, when you touch, when you think - everything,
just-like-this, is the truth.

                                                                               ~Seung Sahn

Authenticity

The last few days a feeling of being 'out of It'.
Of not being authentic.
A feeling of discomfort and physical unrest.
The feeling of a someone.

A dear friend had a accident and 
is hospitalized with brain damage.
Two weeks of being with him, 
taking care of him, and somewhere the hope 
that he can recover somehow,  somewhat.

Trying to push back the prospect that he will not recover,
that he will be an invalid,  a plant.  
Pushing back anxieties.
Resistance,  resistance.

( Could i have done it better ?,  
   should i have done this rather than that?
   No too painful,  push it away,   
   resist these unwelcome feelings. )

Then when this was noticed,   a complete stop.
And everything was welcomed.
Sitting with this,
wave after wave.
Sitting with it as a mother would hold her child.
And then slowly it becomes something else.
Noticing without labels.
Just noticing and holding it.
Coming and going.

And now a deep feeling of sadness 
which is just there,
not happening to a someone.
Just there.
A feeling of almost exquisite sadness,
all the sadness of the world,
breaking open the heart.

Authenticity. 
This is what is here right now.

With resistance the person comes into being,
Without the resistance it is life happening.

 Life raw and deep.

Shadows

All things considered..

We go through life being confronted by events.
Actions are happening
Relationships appear and disappear.
Children are born.
Parents, friends and family die.

To whom does this appear.
Who are we?

As a child of 8 or 9 years old, 
walking to school and seeing the shadow
of my body reflected on the street, 
moving as the body was moving.
I was aware that i did not feel myself identified 
with that of which the shadow
was a reflection.  
Aware of something bigger just watching.

Already then, or still, 
the knowledge that i was more than a body.
Already then, or still, 
the perception of something aware of awareness.

Children often see in the right way,  
as they are not yet buried under
the concepts of name and form.

Before identification with a person and a name 
are fully in place, the light of knowledge is there.

But then, as there is nobody to tell us otherwise, 
to point out we are That which is looking, 
we get lost in the story of a me.

Knowing who you are prior to all concepts.
Seeing without identification or labeling.
The Ultimate Subject.

There you are.

How could it be?

An early morning walk.

In all appearances there is a someone who walks. 
The body of a woman,  who apparently climbs over and
dives under tree trunks which are still blocking the road after
cyclone Thane had its fun more than 6 months ago.
Nobody denies that that is what is apparently happening.

Subjectively however;  knowing who I am, 
there is no one walking.
And gender or even the label human 
are not part of the noticing.
And hence do not exist at this moment.

What I am is awareness,  
the open space where walking happens.
where birds are flying from tree to tree
where drums of distant villages are heard
where thoughts about a friend in hospital are coming up
where dullness is noticed
where trees and bushes are moving passed 
as walking happens in the immovable 
immutable placeless place.


There is often an amusement as why 
there are discussions about
the personal and the impersonal,   
as there is only One.
And in this and as this everything plays out.
Meaning everything. 
Meaning everything we might call
personal or impersonal. 
After all they are just words.
Do we first have to demarcate a difference 
between personal and impersonal,
and then say that This includes both?
Is that not obvious?
Since there is only One?

Nothing is ever excluded.
How could it be?

But then of course debates about 
personal and impersonal, or come to that, 
about becoming and being are also playing out 
in This and as This.

Awareness mirroring itself in a billion ways.

No big deal

One wonders from time to time:   

What is the big deal.?

After all it is just the noticing of what is.
What at each moment presents itself.

Just a shift from person-oriented to seeing everything
appearing in what you are.

And since it is already the case,  there is nothing to be
done,  or to achieve.
Just notice that it is already so .

Effortlessly

Really no big deal.



A thunder storm rolls in with a light show and lots of noise.
The wind moves the curtains.
The airflow on the skin.
A croaking frog under the kitchen window.

I don't know what it is

Taoist expression of non-duality

Without the concept of an other,
There is no separate I.
Without the sense of an I,
nothing can be seen as other.
There is some power that determines things,
but I don’t know what it is.
It has no form or substance,
acts without doing,
keeps the whole universe in order,
and seems to get along
perfectly well without me.

                                             ~ Chuang-tzu

Stories

Just now i met a young man who asked me:

"You surely believe in Atlantis and Lemuria?"

Stories,  all stories,  endless stories.
Evolution,  the meaning of life,  
the Divine intention for humanity,
the destruction of the planet.
History and projections in the future.
Relationships,  birth,  death.
All possible outcomes and scenarios.

The One playing the Many.

What a show.

But believing?
Do i believe anything?

Just noticing what is at this moment.
This is all there is to It.
The quiet noticing of everything 
that appears and disappears.
And a resting in Unknowing.

What do we know for sure?

No more beliefs and concepts,   
except as stories seen to be playing out.
No more second hand information needed 
to prop up an imaginary identity.

Just This happening

happening to No one.

Simplicity

Wake up

But the common story is more like this:

The two in one being,  
absorbed in each other,  
as One,
as being indistinguishable,  
a silent immobile holding
of Itself as Itself.

And because of 

( fill in the one you prefer...)
*   the Joy of  feeling itself separate and experiencing Itself          
     through duality
*   wanting to find Divine harmony in the manifest world
*   Anything you might feel appropriate....

awareness throws itself out into forms, 
colors and sounds, taste and smells,
sensations, thoughts and feelings.
Beings, plants, rocks and minerals, 
the whole of manifest existence comes into being.

Then because of a bloody freaking accident, 
or the play of the Divine, or...(?)
awareness goes into a coma 
and forgets itself as Itself.

Then the Lover keeps pulling at 
the so-called other,  
but actually itself 
and whispers,  shouts,  
and calls out loud:

Wake up, my love,  
I am you,  
remember who you are,  
come back to 
Me and Oneness.  
Remember,  
Look and See.
Shake off this forgetfulness 
which makes you sad and miserable.  
This feeling of separateness 
which makes you pursue
happiness in silly pursuits,  
leaving a wake of destruction. 
Wake up,  wake up,  
your forgetfulness is starting to become a liability.
The existence of the planet is at stake....

WAKE UP




 

Not Two

So much longing from Itself for Itself.
an agony 
a wish to drown into the well of unknowing,
this abyss 
and disappear forever.

Thrown into the fire 
and be consumed by the flames.
The ache for annihilation 
of any felt sense of difference,

Take me, take me.
Where are you my Beloved?


And the Lover in wait,  
to jump at me unexpectedly
or take me in 
with soft and sweet promises
whispering:

Where are you,  
are you still there?
is there still a you to ravish,   
to capture,  conquer
and to turn inside out.?

Are you still holding up barriers? 
Are you still keeping things from Me?

Do you not know I will tug and pull at 
and destroy anything which
is standing in between us.?

No obstacle will have the power to hold Me back.
Anything I will smash and break to sunder. 
Until there is nothing left in you but Me.



The eternal love story playing out at every moment.

Bicycle

All good pointers are bringing 
the seekers after the pot of gold,
all voracious readers of Nonduality blogs and websites 
to the one place overlooked.

The place where the reader and seeker is seeing from.

The placeless place you are right now 
reading these words from.

Anything else is taking you for a ride.
Just investigate..

Where are you standing right now.?

Where do the questions pop up in?

Who is looking?

Do not believe or follow anyone.
Dismiss all concepts.
Follow your intuition,  
investigate,  
find out.

You ARE the answer to your seeking.



And of course a bicycle has nothing 
to do with anything.
Just as pointers and teachers are equally 
redundant after reaching destination. 

Thank you for the ride...

I AM the place i never left..

No clue

The person i believed myself to be until some years ago 
had always been good in hiding. 
Disappearing in the woodwork had been the life motto:

'They might discover i am a fake, 
that i really have no clue what is going on.'


Now Awareness has taken over 
and tendencies get over ruled.
As Awareness loves to play.
Sees itself in all the contacts of the world
Loves to break limitations.
Tumbles over borders.
Nudges at firmly held beliefs and concepts
Bursts out laughing at so called problems and
simply delights in recognizing Itself.
Calling out to all and everyone:

'Look, I am you,  you are me,   
 There is only One'


Crickets tsjirp
In the distance some thunder is heard
A ticking clock
The warm humid atmosphere of a tropical evening.


 p.s    and still no clue what is going on,  
          but wow, what fun....  ;-)