Are you serious?
Do you want to know the truth more
Provided the need to know the truth is paramount,
and its not just to feel good that you are on the path,
you might want to look at this seeking conundrum
in another way:
Why is This,
what we are, so difficult to see?
Why is it that we are willing to spend hours,
days, weeks, months and years
trying to fathom what is pointed at?
Going on retreats, to satsangs, reading books
and immerse ourselves on the internet.
Spending 1000 of dollars,
euros, rupees in the process.
( Of course it could not have been otherwise.
Its Oneness playing the game of a separate person
seeking for Itself, and even wanting to feel good
is only Oneness playing the game. There is never
anything outside of This. No separate person exists )
While all the while you are It already.
This paradox is the most perplexing once It is seen.
You want an answer?
What do you think?
What is the problem here?
Where do you go off the rails?
It is like the zen koan of Alan Watts:
Trying to understand God
is like trying to fall in love with a kilometer.
You are using the wrong instrument,
tool to apprehend
what is pointed at.
The mind will never get this.
So where does this leave you?